Hello and Happy Easter! He has Risen! How wonderful is that?
Tonight I went to my room, after a day of family togetherness with my children and I prayed for God to show me what he wanted me to read.
Proverbs 31:10-12 was as far as I got. The Virtuous Wife/Woman, is hard for me to read. Its who I wanted to strive to be, but definitely who I failed to be. I can see the good in pretty much everyone I meet, but not my own husband. Proverbs 31:12 say, "She brings him good, not harm all the days of her life." I think for the most part I did, but I complained a lot about him to people. In fact, I wrote in my bible a couple years ago next to that verse, ' Never put your husband down to others. Don't complain or talk negatively about him in anyway.'
Before my divorce I met a lady, who would be a friend for awhile, and when I would complain about my husband, she would encourage it, not discourage it, like a good friend would do. My husband hated her, and I ignored him. She listened, he didn't. She got it, he didn't. Instead of lifting him up and speaking life in him and into our marriage, I tore him down, without even meaning to. When the devil came to steal, kill and destroy, we let him. I let him.
For a good while after my divorce I hated God. I had prayed day and night over our marriage and for us to find a way to fix it, and it didn't happen. So I refused to read my bible, go to church, I didn't have much faith left. I didn't have much fight left. God didn't want out marriage to end, but we didn't build our marriage on a firm foundation that included God. We gave it a good effort once in awhile, but never fully committed to it. I believe God brought us together, I know it my heart that is the case, but that doesn't mean we were bullet proof. Without putting on the armor of God, we were vulnerable. Without God, we were vulnerable. I don't for a second believe that we were meant to get divorced, but I do believe that Satan used a weakness to kill a marriage, steal a husband and destroy a family, and we simply let him do it.
I didn't read farther than those simple verses because I was struck by how not to true they were for me. I loved my husband, but told him repeatedly I didn't need him. I thought by saying that, he would realized I wanted him by choice, but not because I needed him. I wanted him to see that he was loved and wanted, but truth is, he also needed to be needed and I took that from him. Oh how crappy 20/20 vision is.
So, as I sit here, I would encourage wives, or future wives, to lift their husbands up. Don't complain about your husband to your friends, vent. sure, but when you do, make sure it is to those friends that will be encouraging, not discouraging. That will tell you when you are in the wrong. Your husband is your partner, your friend, and the one person you should be speaking life over, and not airing your dirty laundry to anyone who will listen. If your marriage has problems, go to a marriage counselor, and not your friends and relatives. They are biased, and usually can't be partial. I have some friends who can, and I cherish that. Don't give Satan an inch, because he will take a mile.
As I journey towards find me, I am learning more and more who I am, not who I was, not who I thought I should be, but who I am. In that, I can find healing, because we serve and amazing God who is great at the healing part, and who loves me, flaws and all.
I hope you all had a wonderful Easter, and for those who are married, tonight, tell your spouse that you not only want them in your life, you need the as well.
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